No! That isn't moi in the picture above. Now get over it and read on.
Jimmy Buffet made a fortune singing about an accident involving a pair. Podiatrist have made fortunes from the resulting injuries of people who wear them, and political fortunes have been lost to the ages as a result of them. I’m talking about the cheap, who invented this crap anyway, the noise drives me crazy, plasticized and rubberized, and always villainized (by me at least), noisy, nasty, so called footwear, flip flops.
In the fashion arena, flip flops are at the top of the heap of what I call the garbagewear category. It doesn’t matter how many spangles, dangles, flowers or sparkles you put on them, they’re still trash fashion. You can’t even buy socks for a dollar a pair, what do you expect for a $1 pair of shoes? Although I’ve seen $10 and up flip flops, that just proves that P.T. Barnum was right. There’s a sucker born every minute.
I thought I had finally connected with a solution to this fashion flop fest of foot failure. A group from a local church that I've started attending in planning a mission trip, had asked for flip flop donations, to help villagers in their Caribbean destination who have no shoes. That seemed like a very good thing to me, so off I go to buy up all the flip flops I can find and or afford. My reasoning is that by buying them up here, and sending them there, not only will disadvantaged people be helped, but also it will be that many pairs off the streets of the Carolinas, and that many more pairs that the sound of I will never have to listen to going kaah-puck, kaah-puck, kaah-puck, kaah-puck. Ingenious huh?
I was proud as a peacock that I was helping someone out over there, while ridding the streets here of the annoying, flip flopping, kaah-pucking, noise. Then it was pointed out to me that the flip flop manufacturers would probably think the demand had gone up and make even more of them to put on the store shelves here. The more I buy, to send overseas, the more they make! AGGGGGH! Is there no justice in this world?
Please people, can’t we just buy and send the disadvantaged those annoying Nike swoosh shoes and quit buying flip flops altogether? With the demand gone, the manufacturers will quit making flip flops and there will be a huge decrease in summer noise pollution. Perhaps even medical insurance premiums would also go down. Personally, I’m in favor of adding, “Do you ever wear flip flops?” to the medical questionnaire right between “Have you ever had a heart attack or have a history of heart related problems?”, and “Do you frequently drink heavily and drive?” Then charge those people humongous premiums and lower the rates for the rest of us who wear sensible shoes.
Anyway, that’s the way I see it, here beneath the Carolina moon.
In the fashion arena, flip flops are at the top of the heap of what I call the garbagewear category. It doesn’t matter how many spangles, dangles, flowers or sparkles you put on them, they’re still trash fashion. You can’t even buy socks for a dollar a pair, what do you expect for a $1 pair of shoes? Although I’ve seen $10 and up flip flops, that just proves that P.T. Barnum was right. There’s a sucker born every minute.
I thought I had finally connected with a solution to this fashion flop fest of foot failure. A group from a local church that I've started attending in planning a mission trip, had asked for flip flop donations, to help villagers in their Caribbean destination who have no shoes. That seemed like a very good thing to me, so off I go to buy up all the flip flops I can find and or afford. My reasoning is that by buying them up here, and sending them there, not only will disadvantaged people be helped, but also it will be that many pairs off the streets of the Carolinas, and that many more pairs that the sound of I will never have to listen to going kaah-puck, kaah-puck, kaah-puck, kaah-puck. Ingenious huh?
I was proud as a peacock that I was helping someone out over there, while ridding the streets here of the annoying, flip flopping, kaah-pucking, noise. Then it was pointed out to me that the flip flop manufacturers would probably think the demand had gone up and make even more of them to put on the store shelves here. The more I buy, to send overseas, the more they make! AGGGGGH! Is there no justice in this world?
Please people, can’t we just buy and send the disadvantaged those annoying Nike swoosh shoes and quit buying flip flops altogether? With the demand gone, the manufacturers will quit making flip flops and there will be a huge decrease in summer noise pollution. Perhaps even medical insurance premiums would also go down. Personally, I’m in favor of adding, “Do you ever wear flip flops?” to the medical questionnaire right between “Have you ever had a heart attack or have a history of heart related problems?”, and “Do you frequently drink heavily and drive?” Then charge those people humongous premiums and lower the rates for the rest of us who wear sensible shoes.
Anyway, that’s the way I see it, here beneath the Carolina moon.
Posted by Dread who spotted a pair of Nike flip flops today, and now is without a "rid the world of flip flops" strategy.
4 comments:
where did you find this incredible photo???
I guess I am slightly lucky in Australia! We call them thongs! But the noise is no different!
An hysterical post! Loved it!
Ugh! I can't stand flip-flops!! I think the world would be a better place if Wally World would just come back with their "quality" (not the cheap crap they have now - IF you can find them) birkenstock knock-offs. Not only are the comfy - and don't make that click-clak sound. My old pairs lasted YEARS. new stuff barely lasts. :(
I've started a one man Walmart boycott. I think the guy in my photo is a Walmart manager. He sure looks like one. I'm not sure where I got that picture. Oh yeah, flip flops are also unisex fashion, which is also so, so, ... well, NOT fashion.
Dread
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