Damn Hot Damn Humid

There are days when I sit down to write without a clue on my mind, and what I feel at least are brilliant thoughts of revelation, stream forth as though I had pondered and carefully considered each small detail, nuance, turn of phrase and overall general structure. Then, there are days when I can't even discuss the current weather conditions with sufficient fluency of the language to convey the simplest climatic attributes. It's damn hot here today. It's damn humid also. Anyone not accustomed to our Deep South climate would be or is damn uncomfortable. As for me; its summer, its hot, I'm happy. I doubt those few statements convey sufficient information to someone not from the South to understand very much about the current weather here, or my mindset. If you're from the South however, especially the Deep South, then you know exactly already where I'm coming from, and what I mean by my phrases. You even understand the exact level of heat and humidity, whether or not you agree with my prejudice for hot weather and summer. Others however, without exact temperature or humidity readings can only make odd guesses of the physical conditions of the current weather here, based on their own limited experiences. That means my description is lacking, but only if the reader is from parts outside of the Deep South. Therefore, we arrive at the crux of the problem of today's writer. Can they reach their target audience?

If I write to inform of the social and cultural nuances of the Deep South, but only those native to the Deep South fully understand what I write, then don't I miss my target audience? (Those ignorant of our ways) Or, do I? If they understand at least something of what I write, although not the full depth or any particular implied meaning, isn't that still a casualty in the war of words? I mean a hit is a hit. Even if it isn't a clean kill, it should score for something. One of my uncles used to say, "If you just shoot near a damnyankee, and make him mess his pants, its just as much fun as if you hit the bastard, and a whole lot less trouble to clean up." I have to agree. And, if they go back where they came from, it's a bonus to not have their carcass contaminating our soil. Actually, the damnyankee shooting gives me a scale upon which I think I can describe our weather so that a non-Southerner may understand. At least I will try to put it into words.

During our winters here, it sometimes gets cold enough to wear a coat, and believe it or not, occasionally on some odd years actually snows a few inches. Now on one of those particularly cold days, and say it snows, if a damnyankee slid off in the ditch, most southerners would stop and help the obviously lost out of the ditch and back along their way. On a day, in say early August, when the humidity level and the temperature both pass 100% saturation and 100 degrees F, (yes we breath water at that time of year...hot water...steam) say a damnyankee says something out of the way and off color before your innocent Southern bred, born, and raised children. Then he stands an extremely high chance of appearing on a milk carton, or being a side feature by John Walsh. Those are two extremes in weather we have here and two extremes in acts of ignorance of damnyankees and two extremes in Southern reactions to damnyankee actions.

Now, let's take a sane midlevel average of those examples. Actually, why don't you the reader just imagine one? It's too early in the morning for me to be expending creativity and brain-power. I have a meeting with my bosses later today and I really need to conserve for that. So, if you don't mind, just imagine a happy average mid point between the two extremes I have described. That would be the weather here today. As for the type of reaction a damnyankee would get today, well, that depends on how ignorant the damnyankee behaves. It always does. You didn't think it had anything to do with regional prejudice did you? If so, then get that thought out of your mind. There is prejudice for sure, but its about values, manners, consideration for others, its not regional, its cultural, its basic to human dignity, and of course its about how the weather agitates your patience. We aren't perfect; we're human here. And yes the hot weather does have something to do with the hot passions that tear through the fabric of our culture. Since we are used to it, it impacts us differently than outsiders, slower, and from different angles. But it does affect us.

Have I been too vague for you outsiders? I do think there is something here for you to glean without being a native Southerner, but you will have to expend a bit of brain-power. It could be worth it. In August, the difference between Fahrenheit and Beretta is discernible, although it can be split by the hair's breadth of a few words; words that are considered, or words flippantly thrown out. Now at the nice temperature of "damn hot, and humid", is a good time to consider and practice self-control and consideration of others. We generally are more forgiving in the spring and early summer. I'd say it's definitely the time to get in some hands on practice of getting along with the weather. When you learn to get along with the weather here, you learn to get along with the people, and generally vice versa.

Well, I'm off to work for a bit, and then the weekender. Have a good one. It's going to be a damn hot and humid one.

Dread