A Gnome Moon is not a Carolina Moon

I do not title my blog Beneath the Carolina Moon due to an obsession with everything moon. It is primarily, at least in theory, meant to be an expression of the Southern experience, particularly the Carolina Southerner's experience. At best, it's Life 101 taught by an insane tenured professor. At worst, it's boring drivel. The blog is simply a peep hole rigged backward into the real space, that the marketer's antebellum mystic image glosses over. You want to know the real South? You gotta live and die here first. You want to be entertained by the South, you can read stuff, like this blog, and along the way, get a smidge of insight as to which spices and ingredients make up a healthy Southern psyche, or as in my case, a typically sick but passionately sick psyche.

For today's lesson we have the above gnome. Gnomes are not a Southern thing. The fact that the gnome is "mooning" whoever happens to look, is irrelevant to this blog. Yes, I keep a moon phase chart on the blog page. Yes, I believe, and its been scientifically proven, that the moon has influences on not only the ebb and flow of tides, but also many aspect of nature, and on human behavior. So yes, I pay attention to the moon phase. But this site is not about every freaking thing moon. So please do not email me "moon" stuff. A gnome mooning is considered "moon" stuff that I don't want. Gnomes are not Southern. They are an invention of other regions of the world. I do not like gnomes. They are creepy ugly little creatures that shouldn't be having sex and procreating. To me a gnome is like a troll that's had a bath and a visit to the Salvation Army Thrift Shop for clean clothes. I suspect they drink excessively on a daily basis also, but never mind all of that.

I don't plan to use the mooning gnome as a logo for the blog. I have a logo that was used when the blog was hosted o my own server, a story and history to be related at another time. Just suffice to say for now, I don't want or need a logo for this blog. When I do want one, I'll either say so or just draft one. Until then, please don't send moons or gnomes. Especially don't send gnomes mooning. A mooning gnome as a personal statement from you as a reader I could perfectly understand, especially readers from the New England area. You really are gnome people up there aren't you? Don't bother to answer. There's no mystery. At least here in the South, the South is itself a mystery. In fact, I'd go so far to say that all things Southern can be mysteries.

We have enough mysteries to fill books. We need very little spice added to make life interesting here. Gnomes we definitely don't need. Although if we had gnomes here, they probably would have the habit of jumping from behind shrubs in the garden and surprise mooning passersby. But then Walt would seem perhaps a little more normal to visitors and not cause such a fuss. On second thought, maybe I should order a few of these mooning gnomes and set them about the garden. It might help desensitize people to Walt. It gets tiresome answering the door to the police each spring when the garden tours are on. But I shouldn't really discuss Walt in this brief post. He's a much more complex and sensitive individual than just the mooning thing, and I don't want to imply that his eccentricities detract from him being a valued member of the community; quiet the contrary. There's just not time today to get into that. In fact, I'm going to be late for work if I don't fly out right now. That's it for today,

Dread