Better Than Expected

A better than expected day is always a welcome surprise. Yesterday was one. I celebrated three full months of being smoke free. I also celebrated one full week of being nicotine lozenge free. I began the Commit Lozenge nicotine replacement program thirteen weeks ago, it ended last week. It was God and the Holy Spirit that led me to the program, sustained me though it and continues to strengthen me in ways that amaze me.

Also my dearest and I attended a funeral yesterday that, because of the circumstances of the death, I went into with apprehension, and honestly low expectations. However God's hand was upon the assembly of believers, and there were celebrations of joy, worship, healing and lifting of spirit. The auditorium of the church truly became a sanctuary of worship and praise, as God's comforts and blessings were shared. Dearest and I received what I felt was a special blessing through attending the event. When we left the church, I felt that I had participated in something very special. And once again, I was reminded of the uniqueness of each of us human beings, and the special unique spice that each of us has to bring to the lives of each other.

Finally, the end of my day wasn't as painful as I had anticipated. I won't be discussing details here, because it's all just too personal. Just suffice to say I felt my prayers for strength, and mental rationality, were answered; and for the most part, an encounter that could have been a disaster, at least seemed to work finally in the right direction. I was left with hope and indication that it did anyway. I suppose time will tell, as God's will is unfolded. I only hope to stay within the bounds of God's will, so that it can be done, and me not meddle it up. It's most interesting and amazing as my life unfolds in a day to day discovery of God's will as it is shared and manifested in ways that are impacting the world and lives around me, and my life is woven with others into His great fabric.

Finally, the evening brought an opportunity to speak again with my dearest. The end of my stressful day was comforted knowing that her love is with me. Yesterday left me somewhat troubled and somewhat joyed, but with more optimism and hope than what I've had or hoped to end the day with. My faith was strengthened. And, I felt a deepening of the bond and understanding that my dearest and I share. I still don't understand what I could ever do to deserve the warm and tender love of such an amazing and wonderful woman. God has blessed me so richly, especially in bringing this dear woman into my life. Then, she gives me her love! I can't figure what other earthly blessings could possibly surpass those two. Just to have this amazing woman touching my life is fantastically wonderful. To have her say to me that I am the man for her life, to whom she gives her heart totally and completely, is overwhelming to me. Humbling. I keep waiting for someone to announce that an error was made in filling out the love form, and that I must leave my place and go to the back of the line. You know what? I would stand in line a thousand years to get back to her again.

The sweet tenderness of her love, that she gives freely to me from the depths of her heart, I can't possibly describe with words. I won't try to here today. My love for her? I've been trying to put it into words, deeds, and any other form I can to express it to her, for months now. I'm not satisfied that my love for her can ever be sufficiently expressed. What's most important to me is that she can feel my love the way I can feel hers. Words, especially in this forum, would never adequately express what we share between us, and even if it were possible, I think I would keep that just between she and I. The realization of something that wonderful would only make the rest of the world feel left out or jealous, so I guess it's best that our language does have limitations. And, with that mention of limits, I think I'll cap this blog entry right here. Its the beginning of a new day. I almost expect it to be better than expected.